Well I finally understand love, after my recent breakup I've had some time to reflect on what love is and how it is commonly misunderstood and perhaps, the reason for the high diverce rate in western society.
It seems there are three distinct kinds of love.
Family love, father son, brother sister etc, this is an automatic kind of love, strong in itself, requiring only a little effort to keep it alive. Indeed it can survive long periods of little contact between participants. I am not so interested in discussing this type of love.
LOVE! Then there is the intense overwhelming feeling you get when you meet someone new, exciting, vibrant, it seems they are perfect and they see you as perfect. This type of love is frequently what people mistake for real love. Relationships built purely upon this kind of love are destined to fail, this infatuation always wears off, it make take 1 week, 1 month or 1 year, but eventually it will be gone. I don't get this type of love very often, or if I do, it only lasts a few days so I am unlikely to be swept away by it. I have a female friend who still believes this type of love is the real thing, she doesn't persue relationships with guys when she doesn't get this kind of love, and guess what? She's still single! She hasn't yet realised that this isn't real love, she also hasn't realised that she is one of the people that don't experience this emotion strongly. I used to feel this was true love, that was until my most recent relationship.
True Love. This is the real stuff, it takes effort,continuous effort to grow and maintain it, from both sides. It also takes commitment and to accept each other and each persons flaws. I finally understand this kind of love. In order to get this love, and to feel it, you need to give this love. It is not a linear relationship, if you give 1 unit of love you don't feel (receive) 1 unit of love. If you give 1 unit, you receive 2, if you give 2 you receive 4 it is an amazing quirk of this form of love. It is by no means automatic love, if you stop giving, you will stop feeling(receiving) and the relationship will eventually break down. The small effort of giving however, is worth it. The love you receive in return will warm your heart and allow your relationship to survive through the most difficult of external circumstances..
So many marriages fail, because they are based on the infatuation type of love, I think the reason why more arranged marriages succeed is because they skip the infatuation love and go straight to developing the true love.
After this relationship I feel like I have experienced love, if someone ever asks me 'have you ever been in love', I can truly say 'yes'.
It seems there are three distinct kinds of love.
Family love, father son, brother sister etc, this is an automatic kind of love, strong in itself, requiring only a little effort to keep it alive. Indeed it can survive long periods of little contact between participants. I am not so interested in discussing this type of love.
LOVE! Then there is the intense overwhelming feeling you get when you meet someone new, exciting, vibrant, it seems they are perfect and they see you as perfect. This type of love is frequently what people mistake for real love. Relationships built purely upon this kind of love are destined to fail, this infatuation always wears off, it make take 1 week, 1 month or 1 year, but eventually it will be gone. I don't get this type of love very often, or if I do, it only lasts a few days so I am unlikely to be swept away by it. I have a female friend who still believes this type of love is the real thing, she doesn't persue relationships with guys when she doesn't get this kind of love, and guess what? She's still single! She hasn't yet realised that this isn't real love, she also hasn't realised that she is one of the people that don't experience this emotion strongly. I used to feel this was true love, that was until my most recent relationship.
True Love. This is the real stuff, it takes effort,continuous effort to grow and maintain it, from both sides. It also takes commitment and to accept each other and each persons flaws. I finally understand this kind of love. In order to get this love, and to feel it, you need to give this love. It is not a linear relationship, if you give 1 unit of love you don't feel (receive) 1 unit of love. If you give 1 unit, you receive 2, if you give 2 you receive 4 it is an amazing quirk of this form of love. It is by no means automatic love, if you stop giving, you will stop feeling(receiving) and the relationship will eventually break down. The small effort of giving however, is worth it. The love you receive in return will warm your heart and allow your relationship to survive through the most difficult of external circumstances..
So many marriages fail, because they are based on the infatuation type of love, I think the reason why more arranged marriages succeed is because they skip the infatuation love and go straight to developing the true love.
After this relationship I feel like I have experienced love, if someone ever asks me 'have you ever been in love', I can truly say 'yes'.
